Editorial Associate Needed Starting October, 2007

Attention students of philosophy, literature, journalism, life: Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood is looking for an Editorial Associate. The position is unpaid and part time. Candidates must be able to come to our office in downtown Manhattan for an interview sometime in the September. The ideal candidate will have an interest in the urban sketch in its […]

Shrugging off the Strike at Columbia

Alma Mater, the massive, laurel wreath-sporting statue-woman who sits at the heart of the Columbia campus in Morningside Heights, strikes an ambiguous pose: her forearms raised, her palms open to the sky, her face blank. This gesture can be interpreted in all kinds of ways, but, on days like Tuesday, it was a shrug. Many […]

Biking through the Apocalypse

There is no commuter more unqualified to weigh in on the effects of the transit strike than a cyclist who lives and works in Manhattan – which is me. I have been riding a bicycle in the city for the last 12 years and have become so reliant (addicted might be a better word) on […]

By Careful What You Ask For

A beaten body sat slumped on the back step of an anonymous pumper. We nearly walked right by Danny without recognizing him. Danny’s turnout coat was half open and covered with remnants of the building burning at the corner of Townsend Avenue and the Cross Bronx Expressway. His face and hands were black with soot. […]

Twilight in the Toy Shop

I’d dashed in about a half-hour before closing time. This little toy store in the Village, whose shelves cheerfully overflow with cute wooden toys in primary colors, funny stuffed monkeys and bright plastic puzzles. A friendly, crowded little place devoid of Gameboys and electronic pinging, the kind of place where you can reassure yourself you’re […]

One Lover’s Opinion

Date: Feb 13, 2006 The staff at The Mermaid Inn are eager to meet your dining needs. Please tell us about your experience in the space below. Your opinions and suggestions provide invaluable insight into how we can continuously improve upon both our service and cuisine. Please visit us again, and soon! Name: Doug Maloney […]

This Fool’s Paradise

Asking For Love

An “incident” had occurred at the group home where my younger brother lives with five other men and three women who all have mental retardation. His supervisor, more amused than upset, followed procedure by notifying me and beginning an investigation. Fred, a 103 pound, 5’2” 52-year-old man, was discovered standing with his roommate of two […]

On the Train Tracks in Marble Hill AKA Manonx, New York City- the circumsized north end of Manhhhhhaaaaattaaaaan

That morning I got up in the afternoon. My friend Micki came from 204th/Post Avenue, from her man’s crib complaining about his small penis saying, "My baby brother’s got a bigger dick than his!" And I had to get up and shower, leaving her in my room and I took the loofa with me because […]

Transit Strike In The Diamond District

On the first day of the New York City transit strike of 2005 I went to talk to Rosa Gutgold. She sells pearls, and is usually good for a few pearls of wisdom. But Rosa did not come to work on the first day of the strike. Nor the second. On the third day the […]

The Price of Freedom

A psychic stopped me on the street today after having accidentally looked into my soul. “I see something in you,” she told me. “Something in your past!” “Be careful looking back,” I told her, concerned. “. . . Should you turn into a pillar of salt.” “I want to talk to you.” I felt compelled […]

Doing Squats with Bruce Cutler

I was recently musing about my time as a trainer at Manhattan’s most prestigious 1980’s gym: The Vertical Club. The place was loaded with the beautiful people and the celebrities they yearned to be. A regular in the weight room was one Bruce Cutler, the late John Gotti’s lawyer. The barrel chested Cutler was a […]