You are currently viewing the stories for April, 2008

Kill Whitey Day

by 04/27/2008
Neighborhood: Bronx, East Bronx

I was standing in the basement of Macy’s Parkchester in The Bronx, in a line of what seemed like a thousand teenagers, smoking both cigarettes and weed, chanting and cheering and waiting for Ticketmaster to open. Adult shoppers were non-existent and salespeople had abandoned their posts either in foreknowledge or in fear, except the lone […]

What Can Do

by 04/27/2008
Neighborhood: Across the River, Brooklyn

My landlord George fled communist Armenia at a young age. Whenever I have occasion to talk with him in the hall he is infallibly cheerful and quick to offer words of encouragement. “How a you doing?” he asks me, “is beautiful day but must still be working, what can do.” He shrugs at the day’s […]

Detroiters Make Citizen’s Arrest, Save Starbucks CDs

by 04/27/2008
Neighborhood: Across the River, Letter From Abroad

It was Tuesday and I held the door for a well-dressed black woman on my way into Starbucks at Mack and Woodward. She thanked me and I thought of my mother who had taught me to be a gentleman. I followed her up to the counter where four or five more people were waiting to […]

Meet Your Match on Craigslist–by a Victorious Veteran

by 04/20/2008
Neighborhood: Midtown

As the New Years Eve hullabaloo in Times Square exploded, I followed suit with a cataclysmic orgasm. That was the good news! Then things became Byzantine! Did complications arise because I met Desmond on Craigslist, where a dizzying succession of weirdoes and losers answered my ad? Since that New Years, I’ve evolved a strategy, plus […]

Lower Torso Must be Covered in Food Area

by 04/20/2008
Neighborhood: Midtown

I’ll admit it, I was uptight. I didn’t know what to expect and tend to have social anxiety in big groups, even when the folks that comprise them are fully clothed. I sat uncomfortably in the Beamer, cruising down 2nd. Still, I don’t consider myself a prude and the opportunity to go and view seemed […]

Dirty Magazines

by 04/20/2008
Neighborhood: Upper West Side

When Doree Gottlieb, a girl in my second grade class at P.S. 87, invites me over to her house after school, I beg my mother to let me go. She finally says okay though my grandmother is still against it. Doree Gottlieb lives at 135 Central Park West. A big, impressive pre-war building between 74th […]

From Kobe, Japan to New York City (and Back Again)

by 04/11/2008
Neighborhood: East Village

I watched it from a high floor of our apartment building: a confusion of spotlights, protesters, and riot police. Some two thousand people that night were lunging toward our compound wall, shouting “Yankee, Go home!” Through a bullhorn, someone called us gaijin, which technically meant foreigner, but was in actuality, closer to “gringo.” While the […]

Not That Christ is Funny

by 04/11/2008
Neighborhood: Washington Heights

My friend John promised a world away from the gray of Boston, but the Cloisters seemed equally cold and dim when we paid our admission fee (ahem, suggested $20 donation). The cold from the stone floor seeped upward through my shoes as we began to wander around, approaching the tapestry in which the unicorn sits […]

Walk Like a Woman

by 04/11/2008
Neighborhood: East Village

I always thought Billy Wilder’s film SOME LIKE IT HOT was funny, until my next-door neighbor asked in his basement, “Who you think is prettier as a woman? Jack Lemmon or Tony Curtis?” “Neither.” This was 1964 and men in dresses weren’t supposed to be funny to 11 year-old boys on the South Shore of […]

Daydreaming on the Q

by 04/11/2008
Neighborhood: Lower East Side

On the train on the way home, I scan the occupants of the car, playing Wildly Inappropriate Matchmaker, my favorite daydream. For the purposes of this exercise, I settle on a tall woman with black hair tied back tight, librarian glasses slipping down her nose as she reads a copy of Finnegans Wake. I want […]

Small Claims is a War of Attrition

by 04/06/2008
Neighborhood: Lower East Side

It is a cool, dry August evening and I am in a windowless room at 111 Centre Street. I leave New York, the city of my birth, in less than a week. Yet, through a series of escalating events, I choose to be here, stubbornly clinging to the dream of winning back a minor sum […]

Where We’re From

by 04/06/2008
Neighborhood: Upper West Side

It is rare, in New York, so I’ve noticed, that conversations pop up with strangers but I have experienced a few. I was in the bakery down the street from my apartment on the Upper West Side, the one with only two tables and a line out the door, and I was searching for the […]