The sex club looked more like a cheesy New Jersey club than a happening orgy fest. There were balloons on the ceiling and people dancing to seventies music. Most of the people were not very attractive. The women were bleached blondes with frizzy hair and a bit dumpy or with fake boobs. The men had beer guts and receding hairlines.

I guess I thought that the couples would be more attractive as they had been at the other places I had been. However, some of those places were “takeout,” meaning you meet and go elsewhere for sex. Here the pickings were slim. My boyfriend and I were among the better looking. For many people, looks aren’t that important anyway. For me, looks and brains are extremely necessary.

I had been to a few private parties in the city before hosted by a nice couple. They interviewed me over email. I sent them pictures and answered basic questions. I had found them through mutual friends. They were selective to a point but personality and cash spoke volumes.

Their parties are very intimate. Held at townhouses and apartments in the city, they are always very beautiful places full of character and warmth. Lots of beds, clean and exciting. As with all parties, no alcohol is served, but you can bring your own and a bartender provides the mixers. Condoms, mints, wipes are all provided to tidy up.

There are beds in each room and couples having sex everywhere in all sorts of positions with all sorts of couplings. The interesting thing is that the men are more tame here than at a club. They don’t try to pick me up here, as much because they know at the end of the night, they are getting lucky. They let the women do the work.

Then there are other places that have been around forever that used to be great that are now not so great. Men can be found with professionals these days. But back in the day, my friends went and saw an older couple, the woman being double penetrated by two brothers. Her husband was looking into her eyes and holding her hand. They said they had never been so turned on in their lives. These days, I wouldn’t walk in there without my shoes on let alone get naked.

Then there’s the club where my boyfriend, along with six other men, was asked by a famous model to drop his pants, “You,” she said, to my boyfriend, “Come with me,” and off he went. I guess she liked what she saw.

There are many different sorts of sex clubs. It’s sort of like choosing a restaurant. It depends on what you like to eat. Some people are into S&M. I don’t want a guy to lick my boots. Once someone tried. I really tried to be polite but it isn’t going to get me off. In fact, in made me want to throw up because I am a little OCD and all I could think about is where my boots had been already and that the guy was totally nuts and my sex drive took a total nose dive. But I do like a light whipping. But for me that’s a private thing. That’s another story, however. Anyway, there are sex clubs that are intimate like the couple that has them in apartments. And then there are ones that are at the same place week after week that are more like a club and that is where my boyfriend and I ended up this time. And this is what happened.

After a few minutes, people stripped out of their clothes and retreated to the back rooms and onto beds. They paired off into groups. Started having sex. Very clinical. I got the feeling some of them did this every weekend.

Being a voyeur and anthropology major, I had a really good time even though I wasn’t attracted to anyone and didn’t participate with anyone but my boyfriend. The difficulty was keeping the women’s paws off me. That was definitely a challenge. There are rules at places like this but they are lax. I loved watching, and it didn’t matter how attractive the people were. What was a turnoff, however, was listening to the women in one of the rooms, in between giving blowjobs and being fucked, discussing with their heavy Long Island brogue, get pedicures and the fungus that had ensued from one such pedicure. Talk about losing my sex drive. I felt like I was in a surreal dissociative alternative reality. Something as pleasurable as sex in conjunction with nail fungus really blew my mind.

After, when we were leaving, the couple in the elevator tried talking to us. I pretended not to hear. After all, we had just been in a sex club.