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Renting The House of Usher

by 02/20/2011
Neighborhood: Brooklyn, Park Slope, Uncategorized

The Doctor and I weren’t hung-over, since we were still drunk from the night before. That morning we ventured out to the western fringe of Park Slope to view this mysterious townhouse that Anya had bought. Along with Harris, friend and fellow casualty of the previous evening, we staggered down 4th Avenue under the steely […]

One Snort

by 10/09/2007
Neighborhood: Williamsburg

Cocaine did not ruin my life any more than video games or an overprotective mother ruined my life. Which is to say, not at all. Whether or not cocaine impaired my intellectual abilities (I am not a member of MENSA) is something I’ll never know but as for my physical development (I’m six foot nine) […]

Losing Your Mind at the Russian-Turkish Baths

by 07/28/2007
Neighborhood: East Village

I’ve been living half a block away from the Russian-Turkish Baths on 268 East 10th St for two years, and until the other day I’d never been inside. The sidewalk thereabouts smells faintly of eucalyptus, like parts of San Francisco, but not because of the trees (which are mainly gingko and ailanthus). Eucalyptus and lavender […]

Moonlight Exterminator

by 07/12/2007
Neighborhood: Brooklyn, Fort Greene

It’s all taken on a certain familiarity. I unlock the door, turn on the light, drop my bag at the foot of the bed, and move towards the kitchen. With a flick of the light, there is the scurry of roaches and waterbugs across the tile and under the counter. Like clockwork, I begin to […]

A Word From Number 4: Hat’s Off to the Homeless

by 06/09/2007
Neighborhood: Upper East Side

At the risk of sounding insensitive – I normally have zero patience for whining panhandlers. I had an unpleasant experience a couple of years ago when I bought a homeless guy a slice of pizza. He then showed up five minutes later, with his friend, asking if I could buy them both a beef patty. […]

The Naked New Year’s Eve Bartender

by 12/31/2006
Neighborhood: Tribeca

The job sounded perfect: bartending a gay sex party in a private loft in Tribeca. If I had to be stuck in New York for New Year’s Eve – a very depressing thought after having spent four New Year’s Eves in Cape Town – then I might as well work, earn some money, and just […]

Heteroflexibility

by 12/31/2006
Neighborhood: Chelsea, Multiple

I troll craigslist searching for traces of my ex. He dates trannies and the dregs of society. I had lunch with him the other day and I said, “Hey Luke, did you put this ad up?” “Oh my god! How the hell did you know!” I wanted to say, it’s really not that difficult when […]

The Iguana Incident

by 12/31/2006
Neighborhood: Brooklyn, Park Slope

In Park Slope, Brooklyn, on a week-day afternoon a woman was trying to sell her iguana for twenty-five dollars. She was giving it up for a more traditional pet, like a cat who didn’t need to be constantly put out in the sun to digest its meal but could do so underneath the bed. “It […]

The Scorekeeper

by 12/01/2006
Neighborhood: Murray Hill

One of the oddities of growing up in a big city like New York is that the discussion and anticipation of crime enters into everyday childhood rather unremarkably. In many ways it is the first real adult problem children are asked to deal with and conversation about murders in general were, by necessity, exceptionally frequent […]

Dom’s Wife

by 11/24/2006
Neighborhood: Astoria, Queens

When you live in an apartment building, you never know who the hell is gonna move in next door. I remember being in my late teens when a Greek family moved out two doors down and an older couple took the apartment. The guy’s name was Dom and he fixed televisions for a living. A […]

What Goes Around

by 10/31/2006
Neighborhood: All Over, Bronx

It’s 1978, the annual “summer offensive” is well underway and chaos rules the streets. The ghettoes are burning and there are more fires than there are units to fight them. If TV stars and politicians resided here, you could bet we would be operating with a full second alarm assignment but here in Hunts Point […]

Manhattan Sex Clubs: They Have Their Ups and Downs

by 09/24/2006
Neighborhood: Midtown

The sex club looked more like a cheesy New Jersey club than a happening orgy fest. There were balloons on the ceiling and people dancing to seventies music. Most of the people were not very attractive. The women were bleached blondes with frizzy hair and a bit dumpy or with fake boobs. The men had […]