So I fell in love with this girl named Kate. And all that remains is this sordid little correspondence that I have left from the beginning our affair. I wish it included all the walks we took on the snowy streets of Detroit or the hours we spent laying in bed daydreaming about tomorrow. But it doesn’t, it’s just a glimpse of who we were and where we were heading.

Sept. 21, 2005

There are, without a doubt, several things about you that are interesting.

>> You are unaware of your beauty

>> You are unaware of your allure

>> You are not conscious of your natural talent

>> You hide your smile or pretend that you don’t or didn’t smile, not all the time, just sometimes.

All of these things are interesting but I think the one you could
build a speech on is the fact that you treat your life or I
should say you look at life like it is an empty canvas. And you
wait for a paint stroke or a pencil line to take you somewhere,
anywhere and when you have painted or sketched or created that part of your life, you just go out and get another empty canvas. Does that make sense?

>> I’d like to see you tomorrow, give me a call if you can.

>> M

>> ——

>> This is not a good idea.

>> Sorry about the support group, you should have started a fight club.

>> This is still not a good idea.

>> Sorry

>> K

>> ———-

>> What are you talking about?

>> M

>> ————

>> Sept. 22, 2005

>> I don’t know. I’m weird.

>> K

>> —————-

>> You’re not weird, maybe a little punchy.

>> So what are you up to Jackass?

>> M

>> ———————-
>> Eating cereal & procrastinating

>> K
>> ———————

>> What kind of cereal and what are you procrastinating from?

>> M

>> ———————–
>> Not very good cereal and I should be writing a speech, reading 3 chapters of art history, Oh and I sold another painting today, because I’m awesome but I’d rather take a nap.

>> K

>> —————–

>> Who did you sell the painting to?

>> And how much did you sell it for?

>> I guess you’re buying dinner next time.

>> M
>> ——————

>> to a lady who had been at the casino all night.

>> K

>> Sept. 26, 2005

>> I managed to give my speech with out throwing up or passing out. So what are we doing tomorrow?

>> K
>> ———————

>> What weirdo?

>> M
>> —————–

>> Hey asshole you should go outside right now its raining perfectly.

>> K
>> ——————

>> Dig it.

>> M
>> ————–

>> weirdo???

>> K

>> ————-

>> Sorry typeO. Don’t know, what did you have in mind. And congrats on not puking and passing out.

>> M

>> ————–

>> Sept. 28, 2005

>> What is this “Most Fallen”?

>> M

>> ———–

>> I told you, teen angst. I’ve had this email for years. It’s from a song I really liked in high school. Don’t return with your heart in your hands; you are most fallen. Do you play chess? No is not a good answer.

>> K

>> You are so mello dramatic. And beautiful.

>> Don’t tell anybody but I kind of likeya Yeo.

>> M
>> —————-

>> You really want mello dramatic? My old email was sadderstar. HAHA Gimme a break I am trying this new thing called being happy. It’s weird.

>> K

>> —————–

>> I want a copy of that song. And from now on I will call you chipper or chippy or the chipster.

>> M

>> —————

>> I don’t think you’d like it.

>> K

>> ————–

>> Oh. I see. Well thank you Minister of Music. I’m glad that you are here to determine what I like and dislike.

>> Jackass

>> M

>> ——————

>> So CHESS??

>> K

>> ——————

>> What? What? Define the “CHESS”. Did you mean “Yes” or “chest” or “Cheese”. What? What are you talking about?

>> You’re killing me.

>> I am not killing you now but I will later (WITH MY ROOK!) get it.

>> K

>> —————-

>> You want some….come get some.

>> So I’ve been thinking….

>> M

>> ——————

>> No.

>> Hey what are you doing tomorrow? My next photo assignment is portraits, would it be really lame & cliché to take them of the old people that sit in the lobby all day?

>> We should go to John King on Wednesday. I need photo books, maybe you can help me find something that doesn’t totally suck.

>> Yea then I’m gonna kick you’re ass at chess.

>> Kkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

>> ——————————

>> Dig it.

>> I had trouble sleeping last night. I don’t know why, but I kept thinking of “This Side of Paradise”. Well the first chapter anyway.

>> M

>> —————–

>> Oct. 2, 2005

>> I woke up this morning and found an email from you in my mailbox. When I got coffee in Birmingham the girl working behind the counter was named Kate. And just when I was wondering what you were up to…a “K” popped up on the screen of my cell phone.

>> I got your email about “This Side of Paradise”. I wasn’t asking if you read it, I was just merely thinking of it because I was thinking of you. You see it just popped into my head. I think the other night triggered it. Maybe it was the scene in the book or maybe it was the attitudes of the characters. I’m not sure what it was, just that it had occurred. It appears I can not escape you my dear. And I’m not sure if I want to…

>> M

>> In between helping some way too cheerful girls find a Jennifer Love Hewitt cd (why??) and alphabetizing the rap section (there is a rapper named KrumbSnatcha. What that’s amazing) I was busy convincing myself that you did not want to hang out with me anymore & came home to write an email saying that’s fine I understand.

>> But I guess, not, we’ll see.

>> I told my supervisor Troy he should read your book. I’ll let you know what he thinks.

>> K

>> ————————-

>> Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with you any longer? Just because you said no? And why did you say no?

>> M

>> ———————-

>> why? Well, your wife, to start…

>> K

>> ———————–

>> Ah. My wife. I guess I liked the world that we were creating that seemed outside reality. And this conversation seems to be one to have in the real world. I don’t know when or even if we will have it. Maybe in the stacks at John K. King on Wensday.

>> Curious? What if I didn’t have a wife? You said “to start.” What other reasons were there?

>> M

>> ———————-

>> It’s probably a good idea to just let it go. More reasons? I told you I don’t date. I am better at being by myself.

>> K

>> ————————————–

>> Maybe this is something we shouldn’t discuss or I shouldn’t discuss.

>> I had breakfast with James the other day. He said I’m not the same person I was two years ago. I knew that. I have been thinking a lot about that lately. People change I know, but I liked who I was back then or was beginning to be anyway. I guess that doesn’t say much about what I think of myself nowadays. I know it sounds kind of cliché…ok really cliché, but I’ll say it anyway. I’m beginning to become that guy I was two years ago again. The problem is…it is just during the time I spend with you.

>> OK enough.

>> PS. Is that the right spelling of Beginning or is there two “g”s?

>> M

>> —————————-

>> Actually this is stupid & I am an idiot. Just forget everything?

>> K

>> ——————————-

>> Yes you are an idiot. But what pray tell is so stupid my dear?

>> M

>> ———————————

>> Oct. 4, 2005

>> I should of kissed you last night. Even with that evil bitch giving us the evil eye.

>> M

>> ————————————-

>> Again, no. But what the hell has happened to mickey? Good deeds & jobs in New york. What??

>> Pin that shit to your shirt & have a good day jackass.

>> FRI SAT SUN SCARVES!!!!!!!!

>> K

>> ——————————————

>> What are you doing tomorrow?

>> The question is the title.

>> Did I ever mention I like your smile?

>> M

>> Supposed to hang out with Craig. Ten bucks says it won’t happen. Kath isn’t happy with me. My teeth are crooked. Goodnight.

>> K

>> ————————————-

>> Why isn’t Kath happy with you?

>> Your teeth aren’t crooked! Jackass.

>> And I would hope to lose that bet. I hope you get to see Craig.

>> M

>> —————————————-

>> Oct. 6, 2005

>> Did you get it?

>> K

>> —————————-

>> No. You suck.

>> M

>> —————————

>> Try that.

>> K

>> ————————–

>> Did you feed your cats or not? Are they alive or are they dead? More importantly…where is my naked picture? What can I say…I’m a dirty old man.

>> M

>> ——————————–

>> Did it work?

>> Not sure what that blur is in the first one, but I kinda like it.

>> K

>> ———————————

>> I dig it. You could say it is an Indian spirit, kind of like the illustrated man by Bradbury.

>> K

>> I sent a text but I guess it didn’t work, yes cats are fed they finally shut the fuck up.

>> That’s all you get.

>> K

>> ————————————-

>> Oct. 7, 2005

>> I’m feeling really shitty about a lot of things. Guilty shitty SALTY all of it. I’m sitting at Kath’s when TJ calls. When I get off the phone Kath says “Oh was that Mickey?” along with one of the worst looks she’s ever given me. Why are you hanging out with me? You are married. I don’t even know for how long but don’t think that long. What’s so bad that you’re taking me out & not her? I’ve been cheated on I know what it fucking feels like so What Am I Doing. No I won’t kiss you but Fuck it’s still something to be spending time with me & asking me to go to New York with you.

>> WHAT AM I DOING. I may not know shit about relationships but I do know that you doing ANYthing even just going out for coffee with some stupid 21 year old girl is not gonna look good to your wife. Your WIFE. So here’s what I think. I think I’m gonna get Fucked.

>> As Always. I think you wrote Killing Molly when all this fucked up shit was going on in your life and it was inspiration but that was years ago and you haven’t written in a while & now you have a normal job, normal wife, normal dog, normal apartment and you can’t write. You even said you write better now after hanging out with me. I think you’re trying to create this secret sneaking around affair in hopes of somehow sparking your creativity again so you can write another book. FUCK. Yea that’s great for me.

>>I know this is what’s going on. I fucking know it. 4 years ago when I was busy convincing myself that I was dying of a brain tumor and cutting the shit out of myself I was making art left & right & now. Then they put me on all these fucking pills now that I’m fine I can’t take a fucking photograph to save my life I know what your doing and this is the last thing I need. Hahahahah oh god I’m a fucking idiot. Is my life a fucking game? When do I get to play.

>> K

>> —————————-

>> Well…What do you do when you wake up one day and find the person you think loves you, doesn’t even like you? What did I do tonight? Well my wife got mad at me for wanting to spend time with her. And we fought and now she is mad at me yet again. She hates when I touch her and when I start to say something she cuts me off.

>> I have written a ton of things as of late and “Killing Molly” for your information was written after all that fucked up shit happened. And I haven’t written another novel, because of time is not on my side, also everything I have written is not a step up from “Killing Molly” so I am trying to improve my craft.

>> And what is this about a brain tumor? What happened there?

>> And why the fuck can’t anybody wish me a happy birthday?

>> And the NY thing is simple, I had no preconceived notions, I just knew that you had never gone and I wanted to drive, but I didn’t want to go alone.

>> And I enjoy spending time with you, so you can kiss my red haired
>> ass.

>> It seems to me you have built this complex thing up in your head, because maybe just maybe you don’t want to hang out with me.

>> And the one thing I do know is people and you my dear are good people.

>> M

>> ———————–

>> it’s not your birthday yet, I get a lot of headaches

>> and i’m sorry

>> K

>> ——————-

>> Sorry? you’re sorry?

>> Aren’t I the one who should be sorry?

>> You see I know this beautiful, young, creative woman that gets her time sucked up by some funny looking guy in a bad marriage.

>> So you see I’m the one that should be asking why? Why do you hang out with me?

>> And you are a headache by the way.

>> Jackass

>> Have a good night. I got the football game tomorrow.

>> M

>> ————————–

>> i don’t know

>> —————————

>> Oct. 8, 2005

>> I think God hates me

>> M

>> ——————————-

>> well then fuck god.

>> ———————————
>> Oct. 9, 2005

>> I just wrote this for some writing contest.

>> Enjoy

>> M
>> ———————————–

>> I like it but there’s just one problem. Or maybe you meant it this way but isn’t condensed milk thicker than regular? Not watered down. Like evaporated kinda.

>> K

>> I wanted the mother to misinform the kid. Or I could just be an idiot.

>> M

>> ————————–

>> Oct. 10, 2005

>> OK I wasn’t sure, coffee later?

>> K

>> ——————————

>> You weren’t sure if I wrote it that way or if I was an idiot. Yes coffee, I’ll meet you there after you get off work.

>> M
>> —————————–

>> Oct. 11, 2005

>> Today I came home and there were no emails from mickey313. What?!

>> The car wash sign says “Are U your worst enemy?”

>> & I didn’t find a coat, I am too small. We’ll search some more tomorrow.

>> K

>> ————————-

>> Here is the letter to Alex, see attachment.

>> M
>> ———————–

>> my mom says my eyes are blue, my dad says they are green. They look grey to me.

>> That letter makes me sad, hopefully chess & screenplay jobs in new york are enough to make up for things being shitty at home for a little while. (mostly I’m sad that nobody loves the dog… what the hell)

>> K

>> ——————————

>> Oct 18, 2005

>> This is for you

>> 3-0

>> She moved her rook without thinking. He took it with his queen. Three moves later she took his knight with her queen and said “She’s sneaky”. He smiled. If not outwardly then inwardly. As she chased his King around the board trying to maneuver him into check mate, he remembered holding her hand and calling her a mother fucker, because she was 3 and 0

>> Sweet enough for you?

>> M

>> ——————–

>> Oct. 22, 2005

>> Cute. Hey aren’t you supposed to be doing homework or something?

>> M

>> ————————

>> I am, aren’t you supposed to be typing a story?

>> K

>> —————

>> Hey do you got a blanket we can grub up tonight? I’m thinking for the roof at Lilley.

>> M

>> —————

>> I have many

>> K

>> ——————-

>> same as the title. I’ll see you around 10

>> M

>> ———————-

>> Oct 23, 2005

>> The car wash sign says “If you could relive tomorrow, would you?”

>> K

>> That night on the roof I kissed Kate for the very first time. We were snuggled under blankets watching the stars and wondering what star was it that hung over head with a hue of yellow to it. Then my lips met hers and the world stopped. There was no roof or sky or stars any longer. There wasn’t a sun or a moon or a gravitational force on the planet, because there was no planet. There was only Kate and I kissing for the first time. The next day we found out that the star wasn’t really a star, it was a planet named Venus and I wish I could say that the world really did stop and Lindsey and I had found a world of our own, but it didn’t and we hadn’t.

>> Well, that isn’t entirely true.

>> M

>> —————————————–