A Mighty Herd of Doormen

Our doorman, John, wants an exercise bike for the lobby. I can imagine him on the bike, next to the sign that reads, “All Guests Must Be Announced.” Instead of greeting me, he would be riding the bike. Instead of buzzing the intercoms, the wheels would be churning and the perspiration on his brow would [...]

In Search of a New Season: For the Knicks and the Rest of Us

Since my boyfriend, Alexis, injured his shoulder playing pick-up basketball, he’s been watching games from the sideline. Usually he’ll just stop for a couple of minutes, en route to wherever he—or we—are going. If a pick-up buddy says, “What’s up?” he’ll sometimes give them one of those street-hugs, where they grab each other’s hand and [...]

JACK SLEPT HERE

Pink Eye

My love life is typical in most respects. My relationships all have a beginning middle and end. With me it just happens that this all takes place in the span of a week. I don’t like to waste time. Day 1: My last affair began on a dark and stormy night. It was a Wednesday [...]

Vacation as Defiance

I had that week off from work. I hadn’t yet taken a summer vacation and figured that, like thousands of other New Yorkers, I would get the hell out of the city during that time. I’d walk in the August 29th protest march, make my sentiments known, and then hit the road. But as things [...]

11 Years to Go: A Daughter Learns the Piano

I hadn’t planned on adopting a piano. Long ago I sold my family piano to a neighbor; I rarely touched it and like most New Yorkers, we needed the space. Young and eager for cash, I never predicted I’d later feel guilty. Besides, a piano tuner called my spinet, whose keys my mother’s and brother’s [...]

Sharon and the Falafel

The rain smelled like spring. It was different than winter rain. We got caught in it, my friend Sharon and I. She asked the guy at the counter to taste a falafel to see if it was good enough. She had just been to Israel and knew her falafel from her ass, she told me. [...]

Elvis is the in the Building

Last week I was leaving my building when I saw my doorman Frank carrying two black guitar cases through the lobby. He was followed by a man who looked very similar to Elvis Costello. I live in the West Village in Manhattan, so every man looks like Elvis Costello. Later that evening I asked Mario, [...]

World Gym

The man sitting on the locker room bench looked like he was asleep, but he was merely exhausted. Sweat coursed down his massive torso and dampened the white towel tucked around his waist. His stomach, of which he was always aware, spilled over the towel and rested on his thighs. In two weeks he’d lost [...]

The Ghost of Rem Koolhaas

The peculiar thing about these 360 degree images is that when shooting in low light, or when there is a lot of movement, individuals can blur to the point of being non-existent. My friend calls these barely present people “ghosts.” An example can be seen below. Never mind the couple making out passionately (when they [...]

Neighborhood Reading 4/23

On the Wall Reading Series at Cornelia St. Cafe welcomes Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood Readers include: Elizabeth Frankenberger Debbie Nathan Gerald Howard and Annie Bruno WEDNESDAY APRIL 23 6:30pm Cornelia St. Cafe 29 Cornelia St. (for directions, go to www.corneliastreetcafe.com)

War and Duane Reade

Day 14. U.S. troops four miles from Baghdad. It was 9 PM and I was out of Breathe Right strips. If I don’t have Breathe Right strips I can’t sleep soundly, so I put on my coat and my orange button that has a photograph of a very sweet looking little Iraqi girl and the [...]