Heteroflexibility

by

12/31/2006

craigslist

Neighborhood: Chelsea, Multiple

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I troll craigslist searching for traces of my ex. He dates trannies and the dregs of society. I had lunch with him the other day and I said, "Hey Luke, did you put this ad up?"

"Oh my god! How the hell did you know!"

I wanted to say, it’s really not that difficult when you date someone for nearly a year. And we did meet through craigslist ourselves. His words got me everytime. Even when placing an ad for a trannie or a woman with a strap-on. I knew it was Luke. And this made him cry. Because we couldn’t make it work between us. He hasn’t come to terms with his sexuality yet. Doesn’t want to deal with his "heteroflexibility" as he likes to call it which I think is really a cop out.

In any case, he is this amazing guy, who dates great women like me, gets bored, ruins the relationship–and goes for these people men, women, somewhere in between, that are after money, a place to stay, not a relationship, not even sex or friendship. He has to double check each time he has a date from craigslist, to make sure that the date isn’t an escort-referencing the escort services section! Half the time they are.

When we first met, his "assistant" was a trannie named Layla. She had nowhere to stay so he took her in after their craigslist fuck. When I came into the picture, she had been around about a month. She stayed another month or so. Free room and bored. MetroCard and lunch money. I was sure she was planning to run a bordello out of his apartment. She tried to break us up from the start. I wanted to feel sorry for her because I knew it wasn’t easy living in transition; between two genders. She made this impossible. She was a pathological liar. Taking and taking and basically feeling it was her right to do so. I spotted her lies the first day. It took Luke much longer. I guess he needs to see the good in people while I see them for what they are.»

I still troll craiglist once in awhile--it’s like watching soap operas. Mindless entertainment. I will always be able to pick out Luke’s ads because he writes a certain way and I doubt he will change his character or his desires. I know I freaked him out by picking his ad out so easily, but after all, I chose his ad out of over two hundred when we first met. Words get me everytime.

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§ 7 Responses to “Heteroflexibility”

  • spiky says:

    hey! sorry to hear about the trouble with your ex. but there’s more than a whiff of transphobia here. many of us don’t appreciate the term “trannie,” hearing in that word a casual derogatory instead of a respectful neologism. And after just barely identifying Layla as a transgender woman without an income, you’re “sure she was planning to run a bordello out of his apartment.” Hmm. This sentiment sounds like it’s more about you than it is about her.

  • James Bennett says:

    Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d,
    Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d.
    - William Congreve, in The mourning bride, 1697

    It’s a bit surprising and unsettling for me to find a “Story” which seems to wreak of such condecension, and thinly veiled transphobia.

  • Joseph says:

    Love the term heteroflexibility. Never heard that used before. Best of luck to you

  • Daphne, I can really relate to this post! As a “hetroflexible” man myself, it is a struggle on many levels to find the right woman.

    Finding one who is open to a bisexual man is one thing, finding one who is willing to help him nurture those feelings and clear the confusion, and even enjoy an exciting and open sex life is even harder.

    While I am not into the “trannie” aspect I do follow the pattern of finding a great women, then somehow kill the relationship after I basically shut down. It is hard to be truly open with a woman about these things, even if she says she wants to be a part of it all. It really is a viscious cycle and probably one that will require therapy to end.

    Anyway, nice post and I just wanted to say that while your relationship with him ended, at least you were apparently open to it. Nice to know women like you are still out there.

  • I liked the sincerity of this post. Hope you will be able to find “the one” who will love you and accept you unconditionally. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Cilla says:

    I admire your honesty in this blog post. I was married to a man for 15 years until he finally came clean and admitted he liked to play around (and not just other women!) Needless to say, I was very hurt and angry, and probably still am. That was 5 years ago and I still can’t seem to trust any man – even the ones who were great. I hope I can get through this. Well I know I can – I’m a strong woman with a loving family and two kids so I will have to. Keep up the great blog.

  • Nicholas says:

    I admire Daphne’s opinion–and I love that term. To tell you the truth, most gays and lesbians, bi’s and tranz don’t really care anymore about the derogatory bs. Gurl puhlease. What is a good creative-journalism-nonfiction-essay without a little style and attitude? C’mon…

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